Tech Types are supposed to be drier than the Sahara in summer. But Association for Maximum Television President David Donovan kicked off a speech to the Media Institute in Washington about "cliff effect" interference and performance characteristics of unlicensed transmitters with some definitions to help us non-tech types navigate the digital future (ripped straight from the speech copy, which is why it is all caps):

MEGAHERTZ: A BROKEN LEG OR LARGE CAR RENTAL AGENCY.
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DIGITAL COMPRESSION: GETTING YOUR FINGERS CAUGHT IN A CAR DOOR

SPREAD SPECTRUM: A NEW FORM OF CHEESE-WHIZ

DOWNCONVERSION: GETTING YOUR KIDS MARRIED SO YOU CAN MOVE INTO AN EXCLUSIVE ONE BEDROOM CONDO AT HILTON HEAD.

ULTRAWIDE BAND: THE WAISTLINE OF MIDDLE AGE LOBBYISTS.

Badda bum. Bisshshsh (sound of drum and cymbal rif).

By John Eggerton